Cold and Lost
by VampireRae
Summary: DracoHermione. When pushing the that loves you away, you are only hurting yourself
1. Bring Me to Life

¤~Bring Me To Life~¤  
  
Disclaimer...I do not own Draco Malfoy...J.K. Rowling does...and the song "Bring Me To Life" belongs to Evanescence. Also, this like my first fanfic so PLEASE deal with it!  
  
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The thunder rolled and the lightning lit up the sky. Draco Malfoy lay in his bed, fighting the pain that was inside of him. All the torment that he held inside, was trying to break free, but he won't let it. The radio was playing the song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence.  
  
"...How can you see into my eyes like open doors...Leading you down into my core...Where I've become so numb with out a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold...Until you find it there and lead it back home...  
  
The song touched home to Draco. He wanted to know how she could look in his eyes, and see all the pain that he was going through. How did she know what was going on? "She doesn't know anything about me," Draco said to no one. He paced his room with the radio still playing.  
  
"...Wake me up inside.Wake me up inside...Call my name and save me from the dark...Bid my blood to run...Save me from the nothing I've become..."  
  
Draco sighed. He wanted her (so much that his heart ached) to wake him up...to see what's happy, not what's bad. He wanted her to call him, to comfort him, o make his blood to run warm through his veins. He was a nothing, and he did want her to save him.  
  
"...Now that I know what I'm without...You can't just leave me...Breathe into me and make me real...Bring me to life...Wake me up inside..."  
  
The chorus started again. Draco wanted to know how she could leave him there in the dark...alone and in pain. He needed her. She was the only person to make him whole inside, to make him alive.  
  
"...All this time I can't believe I could see...Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me...I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems...Got to open my eyes to everything...Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul...Don't let me die here...There must be something more...To bring me to life..."  
  
"It's you entire fault, Draco!" he screamed into the night. "You are the reason she walked out!"  
  
He picked up his lamp off his desk and threw it across the room. He turned around and punched the wall, feeling immediate pain in hi hand. He fell to his knees, weeping like a child. He felt empty without her. He didn't see that she was there in front of him the whole time. She had to open his eyes. He felt like he died when she left. He wanted her to bring him back to life; to live again.  
  
"...Wake me up inside...Wake me up inside...Call my name and save me from the dark...Bid my blood to run...Save me from the nothing I've become...Bring me to life...I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside...Bring me to life..."  
  
The song faded. Draco knew that it would never be true. She will never comeback, will never save him again. He was going to be a nothing forever more 


	2. Bother

**Disclaimer...**I do not own Draco Malfoy...J.K. Rowling does...and the song "Bother" belongs to Stone Sour.

**Chapter II  
Bother**

Draco strummed on his guitar that he had bought after the war was over. It was the only thing that kept him from going insane. Even though it kept him sane, it would never keep him from hurting...the pain he felt from her leaving him. His low voice soon joined the chords...

"Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater...

You don't need to bother I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds"

A tear slid down his cheek. He stopped for a moment, and wiped it way with the bandage that was on his wrist. Even being a wizard, he never bothered with trying to heal them with the healing charms he had learned when he was attended Hogwarts. He looked down at the bandages that bounded the wounds that were self-inflicted. He sighed heavily and started to play the song again; his low voice full of emotion.

"Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me sht to digest I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds"

'I'm only like this only because the sht that Father pounded into my head!' Draco thought bitterly. No matter how much he disliked or disagreed with father, he could never, truly voice his opinion. If he did, his father would torture him to no end...usually when his mother would plea Lucius to torture her instead of her son. HER son. Not theirs. 'I was only her son, not his,' Draco thought again.

"Wish I'd died instead of lived A zombie hides my face Shell forgotten With its memories Diaries left With cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds"

Draco believed that he had gone over the deep end. He hasn't eaten for the past few days; he went through more bandages and blades than anything else in his house. After she had left him, he just slipped and kept falling. He had fallen into such of a depression that he knew he wasn't going to get out of it, or even live through it. The only thing is, he knew he had gone over the deep end. After he read the paper, seeing the picture of the girl that he loved, still loved. The article stated that Potter was killed in Romania...she married that Potter anyways.

"You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on: I'll never live down my deceit"

Draco set down the guitar. Tears were now flowing freely. How could he live his life without her in it...or even with her alive? He felt like he was completely empty.

He got up from the chair he was sitting in and walked up the stairs. He only knew, that he couldn't go on living alone, and in pain. He didn't' have the girl that he love, and he didn't have his mother anymore. Draco stepped into his green and black bathroom and stood in front of the mirror.

'Well, this is it,' Draco sighed. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of small pills. He poured out about ten little white pills. Filling the glass with water, Draco put the pills in his mouth, and washed them down with the water; then went to his bedroom. He figured that it might take weeks before anyone would know what he did.

**A/N:** sorry if you are offended...but it's just a piece of work...that's all!


	3. Whiskey Lullabye

**Disclaimer**: As usual, I own nothing in this except for the plot. The characters belong to JKR and the song, "Whiskey Lullaby" belongs to Brad Paisley...  
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_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger  
And finally drank away her memory  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees  
We found him with his face down in the pillow  
With a note that said I'll love her till I die  
And when we buried him beneath the willow  
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby  
**"Whiskey Lullaby" by B. Paisley & A. Krause**_

She woke up with a start. It has been two yearssince he had taken his own life in a way she never though he would. A Muggle way. He could have done it any other way but suicide. She had lost the man that she had love. She loved him. Past tense. She left him because she didn't love him anymore. She didn't want to hurt him, but she left anyway. Wouldn't it hurt more if she stayed? She would never know now. He's gone forever. He's never going to come back. She had basically killed him herself.

She lied to him that night, that she would never leave him. But she did. She left the next morning when he went to work. Planning on never returning. She left her wedding band on the kitchen table; with no note. She knew he will know that she didn't love him anymore. She only hoped that he would understand that it wasn't his fault. It was her's; she just didn't love him anymore.

She lost that feeling a long time ago; when Harry was killed in the War. Even with Voldemort gone, she knew she would never be the same. She had lost a friend; she had lost her family; she had lost everything that had meaning to her. The Weasley's are gone. Molly and Arthur lost thier lives in the War. Bill was in Egypt, Charlie was in Romania, Ginny moved in with Seamus after they were engaged. Fred and George moved to America, Percy, well, no one knew where he was. He disappered after his mom and dad died. Ron was in Azkaban, his anger finally got the best of him. But talking about any of them would break her down; the wall she built around her heart and soul would fall if she even thought about them.

She loved him before the War, yes. She was the one that asked him if he had wanted to go to Hogsmead during their seventh year. She shocked with the jesture, but she was just as shocked when he had said yes. Two months after they graduated from Hogwarts, he had asked her to marry him, and she said yes.  
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They found a note inside the book beside his bed. They didn't find until he was gone for two months. No one ever touched his stuff, but when his mother finally cleaned, she found it. Narcissa contacted her when she found the note. It was addressed to her. Narcissa never opened it.

When she got it, she carefully opened it. She read it carefully, making sure she understood it. The note said that it wasn't her fault that she left; that she didnt' love him anymore; that he took his life, but his. He knew why she left; he had read her like a book. He knew she wasn't in love with him anymore, and he blamed himself for that.

In the note he had said that he had turned her away from him. That he never showed her that how much actually loved her. It told how he was afraid of hurting her, that he would kill himself for her...he loved her that much.

He killed himself for love. He killed himself for her. He mixed pain killers with alcohol, the stupidest thing. They buried him in a public cemetary...that's way he wanted it.

Ginny told her that everyone was talking about Draco's death. How it became a shock. Even if he was a heartless git, who only had a heart for the one he loved, no one knew he would actually kill himself for love. No one believed it. Draco Malfoy actually loved someone? That was a laugh and a half for his former classmates. Even Crabbe and Goyle laughed at the fact he killed himself because of a girl. After all he was the "Slytherin Sex- God" and never fell in love with anyone.

For years she had tried to remain sober in public, but when she went back to her home, she always pulled out that bottle. Everynight she would drink from it, drowning out the feelings that were fighting their way to the surface. The whiskey would knock her out later. She would wake up early in the morning with a headache along with the same pain in her chest...the pain of a heart break. No matter how much she drank, his face will always be in her mind.

They found her the next morning. She just simply pulled the trigger and laid face down in the pillow. She left no note, but they knew the intensions. She had lost everyone that she had cared about. No one knew how she made it this far in life. But after he had died, things went all down hill. They buried her right next to him. They finally got a stone for the two, who were still destined to be together.


End file.
